Puh-Leeze Don't on VDay List!

So last year I declared the reason I hated didn't enjoy Valentine's Day is because I had unrealistic expectations for my husband.  So, I set out to declare my love for him instead and we gave him 14 days of love.  I am sad to say that I am failing miserably this year and with only two days to go I have yet to get myself in gear!!!  But on a good note I have an awesome list for the month of February. My "Puh-Leeze Don't on VDay List!"

Bouquet of red roses . . .srsly boys, flowers are beautiful but I know you picked those things up at the grocery store earlier when you realized you forgot Valentine's Day and said you were going to fill up the car with gas.  If you must, and I mean absolutely MUST, bring me flowers please be creative enough to at least get my favorites (calla lilies hint hint) and if you want me to be really honest,  how about you skip the flowers all together since they will be dead and stinky in a week and I will feel a bit irked that you spent $16.99 on a bouquet instead of getting me a new ITunes gift card.

Cutesy Animal Valentines Cards

Okay looking at that cute kitty does nothing to evoke a feeling of love for you, instead it makes me think that you A) grabbed the only card left, since you also bought it when buying the aforementioned flowers or B) wanted to make sure that I was aware that you knew I was soft and fluffy aka chubbilicious!  While I'm on the subject of cards, please skip the inappropriate ones intended to spark my interest in bedroom activities . . .cards do not equal romantic foreplay and please please please do not buy those cheesy poetry ridden cards full of wonderful things about you and me.  I know you grabbed the one that looked like it had the most words and said all the things I wanted to hear.  Instead please write me a personal note, even on a post-it telling me really how you feel and stick it on the bathroom mirror or by the sink where you secretly washed all the dishes(I live in a dream land I know.)

Generic Box of Chocolates

Okay I realize that chocolates are supposed to solve all of my problems, but buying that $5 Walgreens heart shaped box of chocolates only says one thing to me. . ."forgot today was Valentine's Day!"  If you think you can handle the cryfest/blubbering session that will occur after I consume the whole box in a moment of emotional weakness and proceed to convince you to really be honest about how fat I have become in the last 15 minutes from that chocolate,  if you can handle that then by all means get me some chocolate, but head on over to See's Candies and get me some of those Key Lime truffles. . .unless of course you weren't counting on getting some "kisses" later.

Was that for me or You?

If I have to ask this question then you know you've made a mistake.  The reason I need special gifts on Valentine's Day is because I want to feel like you still believe in playing my Knight in Shining Armor/Mr. Darcy/Edward and romantically wooing me while waiting patiently for me to actually sort through my craziness. I want you to declare your love to me like you did prior to being permitted into my bed I mean hearts.  So please avoid the possibility of sleeping on the couch/street/truckbed by not buying me an Xbox Game/Football Highlight Clips DVD/New Gun.  P.S. and if you buy me a new subscription to WOW we are getting a divorce!

Cutesy Stuffed Animals

Really . . .Are you serious . . .yes I know teddy bears with little hearts and magnetic noses that kiss each other are just darn darling, and those giant life size bears are just about the best thing ever most ridiculous things ever . . .but I'm not 6 . . .good grief, I'm not even 16 hanging on the promise that you'll take me to the prom and we'll be together forever like you swore to me in last night's text fest.  Soft fluffy bears are one more reminder that in your hurried haste to just make sure you weren't accused of "forgetting Valentine's Day" you grabbed the display bear . . .must I mention that I do not need to be reminded of how "soft and fluffy" you think I am! And on another note, if you get me this your children will be jealous and steal it from me anyways.

Disclaimer. . .if my dear husband gives me any of the items on this list this year he will be awarded a "get out of jail free card" because he has been doing an amazing job at my number one favorite gift . . .He has been consciously working hard in our 2 hours a day together to really listen and pay attention to me and my needs and wants.  And I deserve a free pass too because I well technically God gifted us with our sweet Adelaide on Valentine's Day 2 years ago!!!  (I gave you a baby on Valentine's Day honey . .sheesh isn't that enough!!)