Stuck in the Slide

I recently took a trip to McDonald's play land with a friend and her four kids . . .normally I avoid this place like the plague because, well because it is the most germ infested place imaginable and I might as well throw my kids into raw sewage and tell them to have a good time!

Let me rewind a little and say that due to recent life events and fertility hormone pills my emotional eating has skyrocketed my weight . . .I tell you this because well ...I got stuck in the McDonald play land slide *facepalm* . .yep here's what happened, Adelaide thought she could climb to the top and handle going down the twirly slide . . .well she chickened out and began to cry furiously.  I attempted to bribe Avonleah and my friend's kids to just grab her and push her down the slide I mean gently help her down the slide ha ha!  Avonleah knows you don't push people or grab people on the playground, "that's bullying mom!"  So what did I have to do?  Yes I climbed up the stairs, through a tunnel and started to try and position myself down the slide (you know those slides are little and curvy and you can't just sit up and go down) and this blasted little crappy kid behind me with a mohawk (ok the mohawk doesn't have anything to do with it but he was a mean little booger) was literally pushing me with his feet saying "hurry up lady I gotta get down that slide" and I'm like "why because you're gonna pee on me or because you're running from a big monster?  What's the big hurry"  So finally I turn sideways with one leg down the slide and one that I'm trying to pull over like a contortionist and I say to the kid, "hey step back or I'm telling your mom!"  I know I'm a child, I suck when I'm embarrassingly stuck in a slide because of my large size and inability to bend. . .but then I'm pretty sure there is a height restriction because of this very thing. . .even if you were super skinny you'd still not fit in that tunnel. . besides it's horrendous and it stinks like urine.  Okay so I finally go started down the slide and had to pull Adelaide and so I was laying down sliding down the slide pulling and pushing Adelaide while the bratty little mohawk boy is shoving his legs in my shoulder. . aaarggh. . .it was so embarrassing . . .I"m never going to McDonald's again.